This letter came to me by email today. It’s a parody along the lines of the Nigerian email scam. Enjoy!
Request For Urgent Business Relationship
FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND ‘TOP SECRET’.
My name is Paul and I was the Minister of Finance in a corrupt one party state. Jean and I have $100 million dollars trapped in our joint account at a Caisse Populaire in Shawinigan. I urgently need your assistance in freeing these trapped funds.
You see this corrupt one-party state isnt corrupt any more. Oh, no. We are an honest, transparent, forthright government committed to the highest ideals of government service. Together we stand on the edge of the future, where the politics of achievement will unleash potential hitherto unimagined. But first, there is the matter of the money. I have to get rid of it before the public inquiry finds it and I need your help.
Do NOT send your banking information (What do you think this is, some Nigerian scam?). No, just bring a bunch of empty suitcases and take this letter to your local RCMP and they will set you up with a non-government account. They will close the account and destroy the evidence after the money has been transferred and you have packed the suitcases. You might want to rent a pickup truck to carry them. Do not worry about getting the police involved, they are on the side of the good guys. They have done this sort of thing before.
Then all you have to do is take the money down to the port of Montreal and put in on the next CSL ship bound for the Caribbean, and the Captain will give you your commission on the transaction. You can recognize the ship easily; it is the one flying the Liberian flag. Oh, and you might want to bring a translator who knows a bunch a Third World languages. These ships are staffed with a bunch of illiterates, but once you have delivered the message they will know to which tax haven they have to go. They have made this run with the other $161 million.
But please hurry. I need your help with this urgently