Fiction Friday: The CBC’s secret GG training grounds

This week, Paul Martin appointed a new Governor General and thus ensured a stunning repeat for the CBC. Rob Johnston heads the CBC’s Cultural Installation Department: a little-known collective within the nation’s broadcaster that grooms, educates, and provides professional support for future Governor Generals. He was kind enough to provide a tour.

As we walk through the large atrium of CBC HQ on Front street in downtown Toronto, Rob motions towards the front desk and quips with a short smile, “It all begins there for the bright eyed graduates from Ryerson with the proper Cape Breton accents (called CBC English, as I’ve learned). But if you really want to get ahead here, you’ll have to learn how to talk the talk.” Interested, I encourage Rob to explain as we take the elevator up to the third floor. “Well, for example, when referring to Kansans who don’t believe in evolution, not only are they Christian but they are properly labelled ‘conservative’ Christians. Middle-Eastern Imams that encourage extremism are also called ‘conservative’, and any pro-American organization can also be referred to as ‘conservative’. Pretty much any political position that counters the CBC’s image for Canada is called ‘conservative’. It also has the effect of keeping our patrons in power and the cheques from bouncing. Neil McDonald is a master at ‘The Talk’. If you get a chance, speak with Neil.”

On the third floor, we enter another reception area where we both sign-in. After a pleasant nod from the receptionist, we exit the reception area and and walk down a large hallway. The hallway is lined with framed B&W photos of smiling alumni of the GG grooming program. Johnston remarks, “Of course not everyone makes it to the top, but we’re still proud of our many ‘graduates’.” Among the photos I notice Susan Murray, Carole Taylor, Romeo Leblanc and Adrienne Clarkson and of course Michaelle Jean. I stop before a portrait of a smiling, blond and attractive woman. “Is that Mitsou Gelinas?” I ask, somewhat surprised. Rob responds empathetically despondent, “Poor Mitsou was such a mess last week when she found out [about Michaelle Jean’s appointment]. She was the PMO’s other French-Canadian option and she took the news with much sadness. I comforted her, as I always comfort those who are passed-over by reminding them that there’s always the Senate…”

We come to a large set of double doors and my host unlatches a heavy latch, weathered by generations of patronage, and swings open the heavy doors. A large room opens before us and the current crop of vice-regal hopefuls is all there. I look around and see CBC personalities at desks writing an exam while a few staffers wait ready with imported bottled water.

To the left I see that Heather Hiscox is reciting a language lesson, “insurgent, extremist, gunman, militant, um, um… terrorist?” The instructor slams a ruler on her desk and exclaims emphatically, “WRONG! See me after class.” Over on the other side of the room, George Stroumboulopoulos is performing Queen Elizabeth’s trademark Royal Wave for himself in the mirror as he smirks with a sense of absurdity and humour. Johnston rolls his eyes and explains, “George, as you are likely aware, is a new recruit. He requires a bit of maturation, but I believe that he’ll make a great Governor General one day.”

As the tour of the facility ends and as we’re walking out the door, I spot Peter Mansbridge, in a tracksuit, doing side-bends, with an utter expression of futility on his face. Rob explains, “He’s been waiting for his phone call for ages. He even plays golf with the Paul Martin, but it seems to have no effect.”

Next Governer General is Michaelle Jean

The official announcement will come tomorrow at 11 am EST. But word has leaked that CBC Personality Michaelle Jean will be the next Governer General of Canada.

From the CBC website:

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Since 1995, Jean has served as a host/reporter on many RDI programs such as Le Monde ce soir, L’Edition quebecoise, Horizons francophones, le Journal RDI and RDI à l’écoute. She has also dealt with challenging themes such as the Roman Catholic Church in a four-day debate entitled “Le Pape en France, pedophilia in L’enfance volée” and Chinese politics in “La rétrocession de Hong Kong à la Chine.” Among her many awards: the Amnesty International Journalism Award in 1995 for a 15-part series on women; the 1994 Anik Prize for information reporting and the 2000 Galaxi Award for best information program host.

Jean has also worked with renowned filmmaker Jean-Daniel Lafond to produce three independent documentaries: L’heure de Cuba (1999), about the 40th anniversary of the Cuban revolution, Tropique Nord (1994) about being black in Quebec and the Hot Docs award-winning Haiti dans tous nos rêves (1995).

Jean joined Radio-Canada in 1988, serving as a reporter for Actuel, then the public affairs news show Montréal ce soir in 1989. From 1991-1992, she hosted Virages and for three years, starting in 1992, she appeared on the national and international news program Le Point.

Born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, a young Michaelle fled Francois Duvalier’s regime in 1968, settling in Quebec with her family. Fluent in five languages – French, English, Spanish, Italian and Haitian Creole – Jean studied at the University of Montreal and universities in Florence, Milan and Perugia, Italy.

There’s something about the CBC, isn’t there? People say that the CBC is biased against the Conservatives, but it’s the documentaries where the left at the CBC has the greatest room to editorialize (see Sticks and Stones, Mission Accomplished, and The World According to Bush).

It’s only a matter of time, George

Crown Corporation Board of Directors Proportion of Political Contributions Sorted by Party

About a week ago, I wrote of the hypocritical bias that exists at the CBC, our Canadian State Broadcasting Corporation. While they whined and complained at the mere notion of the arrival of any semblance of parity in debate in this country, I crunched some numbers and found how ‘fair and balanced’ they really are.

Today, former Liberal Prime Minister Jean Chrétien testified at the Gomery Inquiry and provided little insight into the political direction which may have directed the program. Tomorrow, Paul Martin takes the stand and will mark the first time in Canadian history, since Sir John. A MacDonald, that a sitting Prime Minister has provided testimony in a judicial inquiry.

Anyways, we all remember how Paul Martin promised that he’d “get to the bottom” of the Sponsorship Scandal “come hell or high water” before the “most important election of our lives”? Or something like that…

Well, I just did Paul Martin’s job. I believe that I got to the bottom of the Sponsorship Scandal. I present the political contributions of the boards of directors of the very Crown corporations which are at the centre of the Liberal mess.

First Canada Post,
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and now Via Rail,
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I’ll let the data speak for itself. You might not have to be a Liberal to be a Canadian, but to get the posh government jobs you’d better be, and you’d better bring your chequebook.

Yes, I got to the bottom of the Sponsorship Scandal (well… at least further than Paul Martin has pretended). There is but one obvious truth to be learned from not only this data, but from this Liberal scandal in general:

Cronyism begets corruption.